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We wouldn’t be Nimrods if a week went by without one of us breaking something. D Eye used his regularly scheduled Nimroidic Effort to break his Playstation 3 (PS3?) and ship it off to Texas. Little did he know that the planet-swallowing, fear mongering, galactically evil UPS would curtail his receiving experience.

As the story goes, UPS tried to deliver the package to D Eye’s house while he was at work. Before you ask, yes, D Eye has a job and yes, his income primarily pays for after hours “services rendered”. That, and fixing Playstations. Anyway, D Eye wasn’t there to sign for his ordinary brown box so UPS left behind their humongous business card which they so tactlessly adhere to one’s front door.

He called UPS to request a hold at his local UPS depot so he could run by there on his way home from work. UPS obliged, and the local customer center called him at 5:45 in the evening to inform him that his driver had returned for the day and that he could stop by before 7:00 to pick up his box.

He arrived at the depot precisely at 6:00, just in time to wait in a long ass line! When it’s finally his turn the person behind the counter informs him that his package isn’t there. D Eye calmly (calmly!) explained that this depot had called him, telling him to come get the box. The lady person reiterated that his package was not available because his driver hadn’t yet returned.

He and I spent the next forty-five minutes in the car talking all kinds of dirty smack and mumbo jumbo about everything we dislike in the world, pressing time right up to UPS’ 7:00 closing time. Again, D Eye was informed that his box wasn’t available, but that he’d be allowed to wait a little longer despite expired office hours.

Around 7:15 a young lady from the back office moseyed to the front to enquire of this box that was sitting right behind the office door leading out into the unloading docks. Lo and be-effing hold, it was D Eye’s magical Sony shipment! The witch person behind the counter was quick to reassure the both of us that she “knows her job” and that it must’ve just been dropped off.

Apparently this UPS Customer Center has some interoffice politicking going on because the lady from the back office was swift to slap down the counter person’s claims. She whooped out a piece of paper saying “No, see? The driver was in at 5:45. Says so right here. This box came off his truck at 5:46.”

So the lessons learned this day are:

1) Never trust a UPS person to ask for help from another office that’s less than 10 feet away.

2) Sony uses superior grade cardboard coffins to that of their competitors.

3) Take a picnic lunch when visiting UPS.

4) Never trust D Eye to pick up stuff. It was his bad karma that almost set the place on fire.